Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most researched approaches to couples therapy, with strong outcome data (approximately 70–75% recovery from relationship distress and improvement in up to 90% of couples).
EFT is based on attachment science — the understanding that humans are wired for emotional bonding. When that bond feels threatened, we react. These reactions often organise into predictable negative cycles: pursue/withdraw, criticise/defend, shut down/escalate.
Rather than teaching communication scripts, EFT helps couples:
- Identify and slow their negative cycle
- Understand the attachment fears beneath conflict
- Increase emotional safety
- Strengthen responsiveness and accessibility
- Create new bonding experiences
The goal is secure attachment — a relationship where each partner experiences the other as emotionally available and supportive.
What does EFT look like in sessions?
The therapist is active, engaged and collaborative. The relationship itself becomes the focus of the work.
Sessions involve slowing down key moments of conflict, exploring underlying emotions and helping partners express needs in ways that invite connection rather than defensiveness.
There are fewer worksheets and more guided emotional conversations.
How long does EFT take?
For many couples, EFT ranges between 8–20 sessions. Some couples with significant attachment injuries or trauma choose longer-term work.
Weekly or fortnightly sessions are recommended in the early stages to maintain therapeutic momentum. Longer gaps can slow progress.
Is EFT right for us?
EFT works best when:
- There is still some emotional investment in the relationship
- Both partners are willing to reflect on their contribution to the cycle
- The therapeutic alliance feels safe
You do not need to be “emotionally expressive” for EFT to work. Part of the process is building safety so that emotion can be explored gradually and respectfully.
What about serious breaches of trust?
When there has been significant betrayal or long-standing distress, a more focused or intensive format may be appropriate. The aim is to address hurt openly, clarify what is possible, and begin repair — or, if needed, support respectful separation.
Can we prepare before starting?
Some couples choose to complete the Hold Me Tight® online program (developed by Dr Sue Johnson) as preparation. Others complete a relationship assessment to support early clarity. Please contact me for details if interested.