Those who have sat with me in a counselling room may have noticed that I do something quite often. Someone will tell me what they don't want. For example: “I don't want him to hug or touch me only because he wants sex.” I might ask: “When do you enjoy his...
Relationships are important for our wellbeing, yet they are often something we only really invest in once things have become really hard. Couples come to see me when the same arguments have been repeating for years, communication is hard or intimacy has...
What do you believe is a good apology? Or: what makes an apology meaningful? As a counsellor and mediator, I spend a lot of time helping people navigate hurt, disappointment and conflict. Unresolved conflict is one of the most common barriers to connection. When...
A lot has changed around relationships. Many of the forces that once kept people together without questioning are not as strong as they used to be. Culture and religion don’t determine people’s choices in the same way. Gender roles are less fixed. Financial dependence...
One of the questions I’m often asked after sessions is when to book the next session or how often to book. For a long time my answer has been simple: whatever works for you. I value agency. I don’t want people to feel managed or directed by me, and I prefer that...
Intimacy, desire and erotic connection have become more complex in relationships. Many people recognise this feeling, even if it can be hard to put into words. There is care, love, loyalty, friendship and a real sense of partnership. Yet intimate life...
Earlier in this series I touched on something many people are feeling currently - the desire for closeness, and at the same time the need to remain themselves within a relationship. Underneath that sit two very real needs: the need to feel connected, and the need to...
After erosion comes a choice. Not a dramatic, yet a significant moment where one decides to call out the rupture or disconnect. To go first. To try again instead of pulling or pushing away. Most couples, when things get hard, start questioning compatibility. Are...
Over time many couples begin to feel they know each other well. That is natural. When people share years of life together, much of each other’s personality, habits and reactions becomes familiar. Yet something can slowly happen when familiarity turns into...
Many have similar ideas about 'good' relationships: if two people are truly compatible, things should largely fit. You share values, understand each other easily, and move through life mostly aligned.When differences become too pronounced, the conclusion can seem...
Why good communication and conflict skills are important, but don't tell the whole story. So far we’ve looked at many of the pressures in relationships. The load couples carry. The way attention is constantly demanded by daily life, kids etc. How nervous systems react...
More and more people are turning to AI for reflection and support. Sometimes for practical questions, or to think through something difficult in their relationships or personal lives. It can feel surprisingly helpful. Thoughts become clearer. Language appears for...
