One of the questions I’m often asked after sessions is when to book the next session or how often to book.
For a long time my answer has been simple: whatever works for you. I value agency. I don’t want people to feel managed or directed by me, and I prefer that timing sits with the person rather than the practitioner. I trust that you know your life, competing needs etc, and I dislike that I may be perceived as pushy when setting a pace for another.
And: something is becoming clearer to me. When sessions are too far apart, by the time we reconnect, we often end up in some kind of repeat with small changes, and potentially even more solidified unwanted patterns.
Recently I worked with a couple I had been seeing on and off for a year. At a certain point I suggested to instead of waiting until things escalated again, we meet weekly for a short period. Just a few sessions in a row.
The shift was noticeable quite quickly. Why? Because the relationship remained the priority instead of being pushed aside by the demands of everyday life. There was continuity, and a commitment to paying attention to the dynamic. Rather than spending each session catching up or responding to the latest crisis, we could stay with what was already emerging and return to it before old patterns took hold again.
We continued where we left off, and that is what created momentum, depth and progress.
There is another reason I have become more interested in continuity.
Much of my work involves helping people shift patterns that have become deeply embedded in the nervous system. Sometimes this happens through conversation and reflection. Sometimes I use Brainspotting, a focused approach that can help process experiences and reduce the intensity of triggers that may have been present for years.
What continues to surprise me is how quickly meaningful shifts can occur when there is enough safety, trust and readiness. Not always, and not for everyone, but very often and faster than people expect. The technique matters, and the relationship matters just as much. Trust creates the conditions for deeper work, and continuity helps strengthen that foundation.
I don’t think this means everyone needs frequent sessions. Some people come once and that is enough. Others come occasionally and that works well too.
There are times where something is really present, getting in the way or ‘coming to a head’ within oneself or in a relationship, where continuity seems to matter more than insight. Especially at the start of couples work, I would now suggest planning at least 4–5 sessions in short succession. Commit. Give yourself the time and space.
Those first few sessions allow us to properly explore what is happening, understand the cycle that keeps repeating itself, and begin laying a different foundation.
Once we have done that, we can reassess. Sometimes those few sessions are enough. Sometimes it makes sense to continue for a while longer at a pace that works for you. Either way, we are making decisions from a place of understanding rather than guesswork.
At the same time, I have never been interested in keeping people in therapy for the sake of therapy. Some people benefit from longer-term support, and there can be real value in that.
What guides me most is a deep trust in people and their capacity for change. Given the right conditions, support, insight, safety and challenge, humans have a remarkable ability to move towards healing, growth and a healthier baseline.
I refer to this as homeostasis in sessions: a natural balance that will return when facilitated. If the time is right. I also trust that what truly needs attention will eventually find its way to the surface, when there is enough readiness and capacity to engage with it.
My role is not to create dependency. It is to walk alongside people for a while, helping them make sense of what is happening, develop awareness, strengthen skills and find their own way forward. Sometimes that takes a handful of sessions. Sometimes people return at different points over many years. Both are valuable. If anywhere down the track you need to reconnect, revisit something, or simply have what people often call a “top up”, you will always be welcome.
One of the things I love most about this work is the relationships that develop over time. It just feels right to sit down with someone who already knows your story, your strengths, your blind spots, your patterns and the journey you have travelled. We don’t have to start from the beginning. We can continue where we left off, or turn our attention to whatever new chapter life has brought.
That sense of being known is precious. The relationship itself often becomes part of the support.
If this resonates
If you recognise some of these dynamics in your own relationship, counselling can offer a space to slow things down and understand what is happening beneath the surface.
I offer relationship counselling and mediation in Broome and online.
You can learn more about working together here.